My dear Reader, I am writing this blog post to inform you that as of today, we still do not have Henry Fairchild in custody. I am embarrassed to have to admit this, as tracking him has been one of my main assignments from the InterFiction Gazette, and I am no closer now to catching him than I was when I first received the assignment. It is impossible for us to know where he is until he begins obviously rearranging the plot of a story or interacting visibly with the characters of the book he is in, and by the time he does that, the damage is already done.
If only we had some way of knowing which story he is planning to “edit” before he actually arrives there, we could be waiting to catch him.
But alas, he has thus far proven to be far too clever.
One of the ideas we have had is to team up with some of Jasper Fforde’s JurisFiction agents… but though they are already on high alert, they have not yet agreed to allow a joint operation.
I have noticed that some of you seem to enjoy his little adventures. That you even applaud some of the changes he has made to the stories he has vandalized.
Please try to remember that this man is a villain. His little jaunts may seem amusing for now, but he is a serious criminal and must be stopped! Perhaps I, too, enjoy reading The Lord of the Rings a little better now that Boromir is a larger part of the story and not portrayed as a tragic hero… and perhaps I even agree that Romeo and Juliet is a lot more fun with the two of them surviving the tale… but the authors wrote those parts of the stories for a reason, and I don’t think we should encourage this sort of behavior. What if everyone who had an InterFiction badge started rearranging stories to suit their own tastes? Every story as we know it could be ruined forever. I’m sure we don’t want that!
So please, I implore you, if you notice anything strange happening in one of your favorite stories… events that you don’t remember, or dialogue taking place that wasn’t there last time you read the story… let me or your nearest InterFiction employee know immediately! Do not delay!
Because while Henry’s jaunts have been entertaining and harmless until now, we have reason to believe he is planning something much bigger in the future. He hinted as much in his last recorded missive, and we at the Gazette are a bit nervous about what he might be hinting at. His next adventure might lead to a result you don’t like… and I do hope that if and when that happens, you will understand that Henry Fairchild is a criminal at large, and that he is working on his own and that neither I nor the rest of the InterFiction staff authorize, agree with, or approve of the actions he is taking.
For more information about Henry’s capers, here is the full list of his misdeeds (and attempted misdeeds):