The Difficulty of Rest
I have a confession to make.
I often find it difficult to rest.
I get in the habit of work. The habit of go-go-going all the time. Pushing to a deadline. Pushing to an achievement. Pushing to accomplish something.
And that’s not all bad.
I have to set deadlines for myself, or I’d never get anything done.
But when I do actually finish something, or hit a deadline, or finish that task… I don’t know how to sit back and enjoy it. Many of my author friends have a little "victory lap” routine for themselves. A cookie when they hit a daily word count. A movie they wait to watch when they finish that chapter. A vacation when they publish a book.
I don’t.
I think I should… but I don’t.
While this is something I’ve sort of peripherally noticed about myself in the past, it really hit me last week. At the beginning of NaNoWriMo, I set myself a goal of editing 60,000 words or finishing the edits on Towers of Might and Memory, whichever came first.
On Nov. 18, I hit 72,314 words edited AND finished the first pass of edits on the final book in my next series.
And then on November 19th… I wandered around the house feeling a little lost. Jumpy. At loose ends.
It was like my heart knew I should rest, take a break, do something celebratory… but my head couldn’t get on board with that idea.
I played around with what I should do next. Dive into the notes I already have back from my developmental editor on book 1? Start drafting that Super Secret Project I can’t tell y’all about? Write a blog post? Catch up on social media? Take a dozen instagram pictures to post over the next couple of weeks?
After all, I “rested” for pretty much all of 2020, I told myself (and instantly felt guilty and horrible about that all over again). Surely I still have some major catching up to do! I can’t afford to take a break. I’m a year behind on all the things. My readers need a new book, STAT!
In the end, I forced myself to sit down, eat a candy bar, and finish an episode of Heartland I had started weeks ago. But I still felt… wrong. Restless. Like I should be doing something. Like I’d forgotten how to rest.
Restless.
An apt word for it. “To be devoid of rest.”
And yet, rest is important enough that our creator modeled it for us.
The Bible tells us the Creation story. God spun the world together, creating new and different things each day of the week. He finished it all up, made man in His own image, and pronounced it “Very Good.”
And then he did something unexpected.
He rested.
He took a moment to enjoy what he had made.
To bask in it.
Not because He was tired. Or because He needed a nap. But because it was good to rest and to enjoy the work of his hands. He modeled this idea of rest for us. Gave us an example and a whole day each week. Not as some strict mandate we must follow to the letter… or to spend twisted up in knots about worrying that if I wipe those crumbs off my counter I’m somehow sinning. No. Jesus told us that the Sabbath was made for man, not the other way around.
We are to rest because it is GOOD for us to do so. It is good to take time and enjoy the things we’ve created. It is good to take time away from our work so that we don’t get so burned out we hate our lives, our passions. The love of writing could so easily turn into something I despise. And I don’t want that.
So I am trying to re-learn how to rest.
I don’t have this all figured out. I’m not going to now give you a list of “tried and true remedies for the workaholic.”
Nor am I going to promise that if you just do these five things, your life will be stress free and peaceful.
No.
As I’m writing this on Friday (yep, couldn’t stay away from getting something done today) to post on Monday, I definitely haven’t figured out any perfect remedy for my inability to rest. But here are a few things I’m gonna do over the next couple of weeks that I’ve perhaps done before, or am going to try anew.
Take an actual break
Yep. I’m going to take a break from writing. I’m not sure how long of a break I’m going to take, but I’m going to take a vacation. Maybe just a week, maybe till the end of the year, I’m not sure yet. If I get inspired and feel all creative, I’m not going to force myself not to write anything. This isn’t a plan to be all legalistic. But I am going to take at least a few days away from my computer. No drafting, no editing, no looking at notes, no blogging… just for a bit.
Go outside + Exercise
Even though it’s getting cold out there, I love being outside. I love the fresh air. There is something rejuvenating and uplifting and refreshing about being outside. A couple of weeks ago, I started running with my daughter a bit, and even though I’m not a runner and probably never will be… I have to admit, it was fun. We have some lovely wooded trails right in our neighborhood, and running along them was… freeing.
Rain and runny noses brought our training to an abrupt halt, but I’d like to start up again now that everyone’s feeling better.
Do stuff just for fun
Whether it be playing more board games, pulling out my water color paints, or spending time over a 1000-piece puzzle, I’m going to spend more time just doing things I enjoy.
Water color painting is one of those things I would never in a million years have said I’d do for fun if you’d asked me just a year ago. But I’ve learned this year that I love it. Absolutely love it. I’ll probably never be very good at it. I’ll never be an “artist” or have my paintings be in any kind of high demand. But I love it. It’s relaxing and a creative outlet that has nothing to do with words. And it’s something I can sit down and complete in an hour or two, and I don’t have to worry about it being good or professional… it can be messy and awful, and that’s just fine.
Get away from the “noise”
I mean, leave my phone on my nightstand. Close my computer. Go for a drive in silence. Sit on the couch and just listen to my sister’s new Christmas album (not while I’m doing something else… just let that be the thing I am doing). Stand outside and stare at the horizon. Spend time each day (or even spend a few days) completely away from screens of any kind.
Having a smart phone is nice. There are things that are very useful and lovely about it. But there are also times I wish I could just throw it through a plate glass window and be done with it. Too often it becomes a leash. An addiction. The thing I turn to when I’m waiting. I’ve lost the art of just waiting. Quietly. Without turning on a game or checking email. I tell my kids over and over how important boredom is to creativity… and yet I never allow myself to become bored.
Do something for someone else
Especially as we head into this season of holidays. I want to make sure that I’ve got margin in my life to look around and see where I can lend a helping hand to someone else. Where I can ease a hurt, share a grief, bring a smile, or just be a light to someone else. I can’t do that if I’m so busy I don’t have time to breathe.
So that’s my list of things to try.
What about you, dear Reader? Do you ever find it hard to rest? What are some things you do to be intentional about rest? About making sure you have space to recharge your creativity? Do you think any of my ideas will work? (man, I sure hope so…. I’ve been running ragged the last couple of months).
Do you have any special plans for the upcoming holidays?